~ Sunday 4th August 2023, 2 PM ~
I am loved. Not in the type of love that you would assume. The love I am for myself. It has taken me so long to love myself and what I do and the abilities I have. I had to reassure myself every single day that I was on the right path even though I knew at times I wanted to give up. The perseverance and resilience I have were unmatched and that is what kept me going. I had love to myself that I was capable of anything that I set my mind to. It shows in the results. I remember coming to uni during a foundation year having the most self-doubt and feeling discouraged because my friends were doing their undergraduate. I felt the sense of being left out. Not knowing that my abilities would be shown.
I can finally say that the decision to take a foundation year was the best decision of my life. I learned so much about myself and to just have my own rules of how I approach education. I know that everyone potentially most people was so baffled why I didn’t fight to take an undergrad. I just know I wanted to do something different. To take a break mentally. I am always so hard on myself about achieving goals the timeline everyone is in and what it can benefit me. But I needed to embody my name's meaning on my way... Everything has its pace, and its path so why should follow it? I needed to look within my heart and figure out what was best for me.
Not gonna lie… I have met many interesting characters but I think those were all lessons. The lessons of following crowds, deep treading temptations dealing with narcissistic and horrible people. But now I laugh about it because, at the end of the day, everyone is going through something. We are supposed these mistakes now to learn for the future. Every day you wake up there are always gonna be lessons and it depends on you on how you approach them. Sometimes you feel stuck in the middle or hopeless or just don’t want to do anything. The realisation is that is okay. Who said that your life should be sorted out by the time of graduate Who said that you have to immediately get a job, settle down, and find a partner? Those are society’s standards.
At heart I know I am a rebel and don’t want to follow those rules I want to live my life at a slow pace, to appreciate family and friends times, to appreciate my self-love and worth. I don’t want to jump into the deep end just yet. Follow the crowd. I need to establish myself first. My happiness, my peace, my love, and my worth come first ahead of any dreams or desires. I need to be in a secure place within myself and my boundaries. No one can choose my life for me. It is up to me and only me. You come to realise that you don’t have to listen to anyone, and you do not have to compete with anyone. Just live life for yourself and your happiness.
Make moves privately Don’t dish the dirt out to everyone because at the end of the day, the fakest people want you to fail and that is the fact. Some people want your world to come crashing down so you can burn and they can’t. This is why I keep myself busy nowadays because what’s the point of sharing? I am gonna share my accomplishments with the people, the people I love, the people who want to be happy and want me to have peace. The ones who don’t just leave them. I believe there is such a thing as good and bad karma. Not wishing anything but it is just how the universe works. If you wish someone to be in pain or sadness, tbh it bites you back and not for the better.
Kinda went off a tangent but what I'm trying to say is that I'm graduating soon. I am so proud of myself. These last 4 years have not been easy. I had sacrificed a lot, friendship-wise, family wise missing out on important events and such. And when I go back to London these moments that I have with my family, are the moments that I am going cherish because I love them so much and I know they love me :)
Written by Shayniah Amissah, one month after graduation.
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