Exploring the Dark Side: Unveiling Our Hidden Depths
After Graduation (July 2023 - September 2023)
After graduation, some days were depressing, navigating what to know since we had no purpose. on the stimulation of applying graduate schemes, rejection after rejection, and when I moved back home, reality did hit. I was no longer a student, I was moving into adulthood. Those university days were over. Everyone asks ‘What's next?’, ‘What's new since you have your biomedical science degree don't you want to do medicine’ or ‘How about a master's?’
I usually said nah I'm good. I'm done. I want to relax.
But, internally I was freaking out. I did not know my next steps. I was applying to jobs because of the job title or the pay. I thought those potential jobs would align with me but it didn’t.
So I applied myself to Universal Credit and diminished my worth a lot. I knew they were supposed to help me but I still felt a bit of shame that I had not found the graduate scheme yet, the graduate recruiters ghosted, and the only requirement I lacked was due to having no driving license, etc, etc. blah blah.
That missing element of employment was missing. I took a step back.
After Graduation (August 2023 - December 2023)
Then with all the stress and personal things in my life, I was admitted to the hospital had two blood transfusions, and was finally diagnosed with PCOS. I thought my life was over, then the back-to-back hospital appointments for two to three months then the tip of the iceberg, getting the IUD. The worst decision to ever happen in my life. It completely changed me and I was out of control. My personality changed, I did extreme things and did not acknowledge what I was doing. To those dark days I experienced, I cannot even remember or recall what completely happened. That one-month duration of being on the IUD did not serve me any good. That is when my mum decided to get me off that ASAP. She knew something was completely wrong and was so right to do that!
When I got the IUD removed, I was still completely numb to my emotions and stayed silent for weeks after that. Most importantly, this affected the relationships around me. I was at my most vulnerable side and the people I thought knew me really could no longer work me out and neither could I.
I fell into a deep depression and isolated myself completely for about 9 months (October 2023 to June 2024). The only people I was surrounded by were my family and my three close friends on occasion. People came and eventually ghosted. Initially, I was upset and fell into a victim scarcity mindset.
2nd January 2024 (My Birthday) to the present day
Then, I decided to bring my power back. Take accountability for my past actions and move on…
How did I do that you might ask? Well, I will tell you on Friday <3
Lots of Hugs,
Shayniah Amissah
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